After raising Our Three Sons, by now Auntie M should be used to those late night phone calls from the ER.  Once my heart stopped racing, the conversation went something like this:

32 yr old son S: Hi, Mom, everything’s fine, just thought I’d call you before someone else did and let you know I’m in the ER.

M: Fine, what’s up? Ok, he’s talking to be so his throat hasn’t been cut and he’s alive.

S: After the 4th of July fireworks a bunch of us went over to Scott’s to hang around.

M: And? A few too many brewski’s involved, I’ll bet.

S: We were just riding on the ATV, and Scott thought it would be fun to pull the emergency brake…

M: While you were in it and it was turned on? What kind of a jerk would do that? Oh, one who had too many brewski’s.

S: Yeah, we both got dumped out.  Scott is fine, just a few bruises.

M: Of course he is, the jerkWait for it, here it comes.

S: My X-rays say my ankle isn’t broken, just a bad bone bruise and sprain and torn ligaments.

M: Well, if that’s all, I’m going back to sleep, ha ha! I hope you have oodles of sick time piled up.

S: Actually, my nose is kinda broken, too.

M: Kinda? Like in sorta pregnant?

S: It’s in alignment so they don’t have to do anything.  I may have a black eye later in the week on one side.

M: To match the one on the other side I ought to give you for acting like a 12 year old. Ouch! That sounds painful.

S: (heavy giggling) Yeah, I expect it all will hurt like a bitch but right now they’ve given me some meds and I’m feeling pretty good.

M: That’s great. Glad I’m not your wife and won’t be around you when it wears off. What about work?

S: Oh, I can’t work for at least a week; I’m on crutches.  But I have sick time.

M: Do you need us to come in? Please say no because you are now your wife’s problem.

S: No, no, just wanted you to know.  I’ll call you tomorrow when I get up.

M: Great! Try to get some rest.  Love you!  Thanks for the call And for ruining my night’s sleep.

And so it goes.  Six days later S is still on crutches, foot swollen like a balloon, doubtful he’ll be back at work any time soon.  Nose nicely swollen, but he was right about one thing: he only got a black eye on one side.